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Archive for the ‘Thoughts, and observations’ Category


My world is all askew eight now. This has been a rough year for our family. My middle daughter was in a horrific accident a couple of months ago on an early rainslicked highway, where she lost control of her car, and hit the barrier wall, it could have been way worse, but she luckily escaped with bumps, bruises, and a very sore neck, unfortunately her car was totaled out, we are lucky she is still alive.

On April 13th while donating some food for a friends food drive, my wife and
I were injured in a freak accident with our car, she was run over by the right front tire over her left leg, and I was dragged approximately 20 feet and then run over by the left front tire, it ran over both legs, left me with a fractured fibula, and road rash over both legs and my hip, it has been a very slow healing process for both of us, my wife is back to work now, but I am still partially laid up, my wounds are painful, they got infected and not healing up very fast, even with extensive antibiotic therapy.

Then on April 24th my oldest daughter Marci was viciously attacked and sexually assaulted. She had come to visit my wife and I to spend the evening with us, she had not been able to visit due to health issues, and we were still homebound  due to our accident. She left out home a little after 11:00  PM, she was exiting off of the freeway on 90th South offramp, she was stopped at the light waiting to turn left, and a man jumped into her car in the left passenger seat, held what she thought was a gun to her head and instructed her to so exactly as her told her, or he would kill her. (Before you chastise her for not keeping her car locked, she thought it was, the automatic door locks had not worked properly, and her passanger door did not lock.) He instructed her to drive to to a local park in Sandy Ut, (Falcon Park 9200 S 1700 E, Sandy, UT 84093). He then had her climb into the back seat, he cut off her clothing, and then repeatedly slashed at her with a knife, while also beating her, he had taken off his, pants and suddenly a car pulled inot the parking lot of the park, and he shouted “oh fuck”, jumped out the car, put his pants back on and took off. I truely believe had the car not pulled in the parking lot, he would have raped her and most likely killed her.  She then drove herself to the ER, she did not want to stay in the area alone any longer, and called 911 from the ER parking lot.

Sandy police are still conducting a full ivestigation, and are still waiting for DNA results. They did as press release a couple of  days after the tragic incident, and I personally contacted all four local news stations 3 of which respnded to do a full report on the news, channel 13 here in Utah chose not to, intead they posted a partial report with thier own spin, that sounded very much like the police did not fully belive it ever happened. It did in fact happen, and I was there at the hospital that evening/early morning, I will never forget the sight of seeing my daughter laying in a hospital bed covered in blood with cuts and bruises all over her body, and yes the police were there in force.

Local news report

The police finally had a sketch artist conduct a composit sketch here it is with a brief description of the suspect.

So here is the composite sketch of the man that attacked my daughter. This sketch is almost 100% spot on. Again this happened on the night of April 24. The man was white had a black baseball cap with darker hair coming down from the back. He had a slender face and long skinny nose, he had a scab or a mole on his left cheek, a thin mustache and very crooked teeth, which the sketch artist drew those as well. At the time he was wearing a white tee-shirt with the letters ARC in red on the left, black jeans, dirty tan work boots, he also had a black zip up hoodie and was carrying a black backpack and he stunk really bad and had horrible breath. 5’11” approximately 200 lbs. The police are still investigating so if anyone sees a man that fits this description please call the Sandy Police Department right away. (801) 568-7200. Please help find the man that attacked my daughter so she can go on with her life! Please share this with everyone! Let’s make this go viral!

 

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We need this to go out all over the internet, this bastard needs to be caught and prosecuted to the fullest extent the law allows. I hope all of you will share this, and make it go viral.

This incident and all the others have taken a heavy toll on myself and my family, this is some of my therapy indealing with all the recent tragedy in our lives, I hope you understand why I feel the to not let it all go, we are all working on getting our lives back to some form of normalcy, not that it ever was, but this helps a little.

Just want to say I love you all and thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

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Just trying to get my head wrapped around my life such as it is. 

Yesterday I turned 62, I really thought life at would be different for me than it is right now, not trying to beat a dead horse, but I grow weary  of the constant pain, not feeling good, and generally feeling older than my 62 years. 

Is it too much to ask for a more “normal” life? 

I want to work again, be the main breadwinner in our family,  feel respected more as a businessman again.  

I know that even though no one says it too my face, that is what they are thinking, he is lazy and living off the government, that wasn’t in my plans, I truly wanted more in my life than this. 

I am getting so tired of this, I wish there more I could do to change it. Maybe there is and I just haven’t discovered the key to fixing it.

Life goes on,and so will I, such as it is.
As always Rusty Loves you, peace, love, happiness,and positive vibes!




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Living life one day at a time:

 

Not trying to sound like a saint, or a crybaby, just telling a little of my story, as it is.

 

I will explain a little about what has happened to me in my life. My wife and I have been married over 43 years, we were very young, she was 17, and I was 18, we didn’t have any children for the first 4 and a half years, so we did get a chance to grow up a little.  We pretty much have always had kids or relatives living with us. Our oldest lived with us after she got married and stayed until 7 years ago, we have taken in stray kids that were friends of our three daughters, in 1997 we moved back to Utah from CA, and bought an old 7 bedroom farmhouse, it was a two story, with two kitchens, and after our oldest moved out we let me niece and her husband move in upstairs, also during that time, our youngest and her husband moved in with us for two years, out middle daughter also moved in and out three times, my wife’s niece was going to be homeless, and her and her 3 boys moved in for a year. we also helped a couple more of our daughters friends during their rough and trying times, by opening our house to them, seems like we were always the place for people we knew falling on hard times as a place to go, we never said no to anyone in need.

That all fell apart in 2011, when I lost my job and became disabled due to severe neuropathy. I still tried to find work to no avail, we sold everything we owned trying to stay in that house, finally losing it in 2013, we were forced to live with our middle daughter and her husband for a year, finally my disability money kicked in and we now live in a small 3 bedroom manufactured home, thought we were going to be alone when I found out an old business associate was going to be homeless, we let her move in for a few months. I still had that open door policy.

Then last March we took in our three youngest grandchildren, their lives have been very rough and each of them have their own special needs, the oldest has ADHD, the middle one is working through medical bowel issues, the youngest is autistic, so between doctors, school, counseling, and all the other things that come with raising 3 young children it has taken it’s toll on the two of us, to top that off in January of 2015, my father came back to UT, due to his health moved in with my sister, and because she still worked I became his chauffeur, working with the VA, and his doctor appointments, which averaged 8 a month, sometimes more, he passed away at 89 this last October, which again really affected me, because in the 19 months he was here our relationship grew closer then ever, but, I still had to take care of the grandkids, it didn’t leave me much time to grieve, that could have been good though.  It seems that our other grandkids have grown more distant from us, they used to come  and spend the weekends with us a couple of times a month, not sure if they are just growing up and and spending the night and Nana and Papa’s is not as fun anymore, but I do miss them a lot.  I do not mean to sound like a jerk, but I do appreciate the time when my daughter can take them, this is the first time in the year since we took them in that we have been without them for a week, so yes I am looking forward to some free time for just myself and my wife. I do love my family very much, and would do anything I could for them. I hope I didn’t bore you with the book I just wrote, I just wanted you to know where I am coming from, and all the while I still have my disability and I am in constant pain, but I live with that.

 

As always I will close with Rusty Loves you, peace, love, happiness, and positive vibes.
Update:

The grandkids are now with their Aunt Sarah until their Mom can take them. I am going to start working on myself, I have been told by a few people that I have aged a lot in that year, even my doctor told me I have to start taking better care of myself. So my goal for 2017 is to try to get my health back in the right track. 

I have a lot of issues to work through, I will keep you all updated as hopefully I progress to better things.

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My Blog today is inspired by listening to the song Abraham, Martin, and John, by Dion

Of course I wasn’t around when Lincoln was assassinated, but I do believe hate had a lot to do with it.

abraham-lincoln

A lot has happened in my short lifetime.

The Viet Nam War started when I was to young to understand it, but by the time it was over I had many friends who fought in it, and even a few who died in it. It did affect a lot of my thoughts and actions over those trying times while it was going on.

Hovering U.S. Army helicopters pour machine gun fire into the tree line to cover the advance of South Vietnamese ground troops in an attack on a Viet Cong camp 18 miles north of Tay Ninh, northwest of Saigon near the Cambodian border, in March 1965 during the Vietnam War.  (AP Photo/Horst Faas)

Hovering U.S. Army helicopters pour machine gun fire into the tree line to cover the advance of South Vietnamese ground troops in an attack on a Viet Cong camp 18 miles north of Tay Ninh, northwest of Saigon near the Cambodian border, in March 1965 during the Vietnam War. (AP Photo/Horst Faas)

At 8 years old I cried when I my teacher informed us the John F Kennedy had been assassinated. I clearly remember that day, and even though I was only 8 I remember the entire nation in morning over his death, everyone wondering what will become of our country. I also remember the sadness, and fear on my parents faces that day, pretty powerful stuff for an 8 year old.

john-kennedy

The 60’s were a different time, a lot of changes for me too, for the most part I was too young to really understand everything, but it did effect me, as I felt I had an enquiring mind, and did pay attention to it. Times were changing I was very interested in that.

I remember the day Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated, people were upset, and concerned, but not so much as when Kennedy was, I feel was the racism issue, and even though he was a very great man, he has been much more appreciated later on for all of his accomplishments, my home state was the last state out of all 50 states to recognize his birthday as a holiday. Imagine how much more he could have accomplished had he not been taken from us.

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And then two months later Bobby Kennedy was assassinated, I was actually watching TV that night and the coverage, my interest in politics was just starting, and even though I was too young to vote, I was becoming more aware of it.

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In 1969 I clearly remember watching Apollo 11 landing on the moon, with my parents, and Neil Armstrong uttering those words “That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” A very amazing day for me.

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Then some sadness in 1970 with the Kent State shootings, as sad as that was, kind of mild to what is going on today.

In the 70’s I got married at a very young age, voted in my first presidential election, moved to CA in 1973, back to Utah in 1975, back to CA in 1976, and then back to Utah again the ned of 1977. Growing up in in the Suburbs of Salt Lake City UT, didn’t prepare me for the diversity of Southern CA, for a time my young wife and I lived in Inglewood CA across from Hollywood Park Race Track, we both had a quick education of what life was like outside of UT. I am truly thankful for the times spent in CA it not only educated me to the real world, but changed my outlook for the better. We moved back again to CA in 1981 after our middle daughter Sarah was born, stayed until June of 1997. I continued to changed over those years and I feel I am a better person for it, the hate in me grew smaller and smaller, I am so much more open minded now, and so happy with our advancements in true equality, not where I would like to see them. We have stayed in Utah since moving back in 1997, now trying to decide if this is the final place for us, not really sure yet of what to do, most likely we will stay here, who knows.

There have been a lot of tragedies that have also occured, but not enough time to discuss all of them. A lot of positive changes too, like electing our first black president, and same sex marriage becoming legal.

I can truly say I really thought we had come a long way, in regards to racism, and biases, but lately I feel we still have a very long way to go.

That brings me to the end of my blog today, I am now in a state of concern, the next 4 years really scares me, too much uncertainty. I am living on a fixed income now due to my disability, yes my wife Melia still works, but not really sure what is in stage for the two of us, is it going to get better or worse, I guess we will have to wait and see. Please no haters on this blog, we have too much hate already.

As always, Rusty Loves You, peace, love happiness, and positive vibes!

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Blessed are they who understand

My faltering step and shaking hand.

Blessed are they who know my ears today
Must strain to hear the things they say.

Blessed are they who seem to know
My eyes are dim and my answers slow.

Blessed are they who look away
When my tea was spilled at the table today.

Blessed are they who with a cheery smile
Will stop to chat for a little while.

Blessed are they who never say
“You’ve told that story twice today.”

Blessed are they who know my ways
And bring back memories of yesterdays.

Blessed are they who ease the days
And care for me in loving ways.

Blessed are they who make it known
I’m loved, respected and not alone.

Author Unknown

                               
                   

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It has been a while since I posted to my blog, so busy taking care of my three youngest grandkids,  I don’t have much spare time these days.  I also still have to keep busy doing all my regular stuff, which includes taking care of our house,  preparing most of the meals, and keeping up with the special requests by my wife. 

Yesterday I put up a new ceiling fan in our bedroom,  this used to be a simple task for me, but with my neuropathy not so much anymore.  Today I am in major pain, and I just need to rest,  but as they say no rest for the wicked.

I am trying to be relaxed and less political these days, not the easiest ask to do. More about peace, love, happiness, and positive vibes. 

I really am trying hard to be a better person, stay positive,  upbeat,  and not complain about things, but sometimes it is hard to not complain, on days like today when the pain is almost unbearable,  and you just want to cry, but I do my next to remain strong. 
Oh well life goes on, and I don’t expect it to beveryone perfect. 
Just always remember Rusty loves you!

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First of all let me say that I am not seeking sympathy by my blog today. I am seeking understanding, so more people can understand what it is like to live, and battle Chronic pain everyday. I have hereditary peripheral neuropathy, now complicated by Type II Diabetes. One of the issues I battle with is, I look fine, It is harder when people can’t see your disability.
Causes and descriptions of Neuropathy.

My wife and I were watching a program on Chronic Pain sufferers, during the program the question was asked of each individual, “Have you considered suicide?” this prompted my wife to ask me the suicide question, my answer was yes, I have thought about it, but know I do not consider it as an option. She started weeping and said “I never knew it was that bad for you.” I told her I am pretty good at hiding my pain, as I do not want to burden my family or others with it.

I watched my Mother go through it from grimacing in pain, crying, moaning when all she wanted to do was relax, all the while her condition was getting worse from not being able to drive, and finally before she passed away, not being able to walk. In addition to this taking every pain medication that was made available to her, and none of them improving her quality of life. I loved my Mom very dearly, and I miss her every day.

I myself made a personal decision not to take pain pills of any kind, I am not bragging about how well I manage it, but after watching my Mother, and My Father-In-Law (For a different health issue) take pain medications, it has made me make the decision not to take them.

For the most part I am pretty good at hiding my pain, yes sometimes I complain about it, but those are on the days when it is at the level of a strong 10, based on the 1 thru 10 numbering system, sometimes I should respond with it is at a 15, yes it does hurt that bad. I am never not in pain, my pain levels for the most part average around a 5, last night when my wife and I were talking it was at a 7. She asked my why I do not tell her how bad it is, I guess it is because I want her to be happy, and not burdened with my pain. As I write this blog today my pain is at a 5.

It is sometimes scary when I think about the future, the possibility of no longer being able to drive, losing my ability to walk, right now I do fairly well, with the exception of my balance issues, which are getting worse, which has forced me to use a cane when walking long distances.

So far most of the time, I do not take anything for pain, not even over the counter pain medications. I use mind over matter, and it works if you concentrate hard enough.

I have tried marijuana, and it really worked, for the first time in years my pain was completely gone, I had a feeling of euphoria, the reasons I have chosen not to continue to use it are #1 It’s still illegal in Utah, #2 Not really a fan of getting high. I do have a CBD Oil vape, that helps on the really bad pain days, but I do want to use it all the time. I do not want anything to be a crutch in my daily existence.

Due to my health issues, and a terrible job market for people over the age of 50, we lost most everything we worked for all of our lives, my career making a 6 digit income, our home, most of our possessions, we are on the road to recovery, but with what my wife makes and me living off of SSDI, it is a slow process.
That brings me to the discussion of legalizing Medical Marijuana, even though I may choose not to use it, it should be a right for anyone else to do so. In my personal opinion any politician, Doctor, and anyone in the medical profession who is against it, is being pressured by Big Pharmaceutical, with their kickbacks, and payouts, or they are taking the prescription mind altering pain meds, and don’t care. As far as it Medical Marijuana being a “Gateway” Drug, there is no proof of that, but there is proof that opioid painkillers are a “Gateway” to Heroin. Not to mention the high incidents of Opioid overdoses. We need to legalize Medical Marijuana.
Opioid addiction
Cannaboids
I closing today, I just want to say thank you for your understanding, and life goes on!

As always Rusty Loves you, peace, love, and happiness!

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