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Archive for the ‘and observations’ Category


Living life one day at a time:

 

Not trying to sound like a saint, or a crybaby, just telling a little of my story, as it is.

 

I will explain a little about what has happened to me in my life. My wife and I have been married over 43 years, we were very young, she was 17, and I was 18, we didn’t have any children for the first 4 and a half years, so we did get a chance to grow up a little.  We pretty much have always had kids or relatives living with us. Our oldest lived with us after she got married and stayed until 7 years ago, we have taken in stray kids that were friends of our three daughters, in 1997 we moved back to Utah from CA, and bought an old 7 bedroom farmhouse, it was a two story, with two kitchens, and after our oldest moved out we let me niece and her husband move in upstairs, also during that time, our youngest and her husband moved in with us for two years, out middle daughter also moved in and out three times, my wife’s niece was going to be homeless, and her and her 3 boys moved in for a year. we also helped a couple more of our daughters friends during their rough and trying times, by opening our house to them, seems like we were always the place for people we knew falling on hard times as a place to go, we never said no to anyone in need.

That all fell apart in 2011, when I lost my job and became disabled due to severe neuropathy. I still tried to find work to no avail, we sold everything we owned trying to stay in that house, finally losing it in 2013, we were forced to live with our middle daughter and her husband for a year, finally my disability money kicked in and we now live in a small 3 bedroom manufactured home, thought we were going to be alone when I found out an old business associate was going to be homeless, we let her move in for a few months. I still had that open door policy.

Then last March we took in our three youngest grandchildren, their lives have been very rough and each of them have their own special needs, the oldest has ADHD, the middle one is working through medical bowel issues, the youngest is autistic, so between doctors, school, counseling, and all the other things that come with raising 3 young children it has taken it’s toll on the two of us, to top that off in January of 2015, my father came back to UT, due to his health moved in with my sister, and because she still worked I became his chauffeur, working with the VA, and his doctor appointments, which averaged 8 a month, sometimes more, he passed away at 89 this last October, which again really affected me, because in the 19 months he was here our relationship grew closer then ever, but, I still had to take care of the grandkids, it didn’t leave me much time to grieve, that could have been good though.  It seems that our other grandkids have grown more distant from us, they used to come  and spend the weekends with us a couple of times a month, not sure if they are just growing up and and spending the night and Nana and Papa’s is not as fun anymore, but I do miss them a lot.  I do not mean to sound like a jerk, but I do appreciate the time when my daughter can take them, this is the first time in the year since we took them in that we have been without them for a week, so yes I am looking forward to some free time for just myself and my wife. I do love my family very much, and would do anything I could for them. I hope I didn’t bore you with the book I just wrote, I just wanted you to know where I am coming from, and all the while I still have my disability and I am in constant pain, but I live with that.

 

As always I will close with Rusty Loves you, peace, love, happiness, and positive vibes.
Update:

The grandkids are now with their Aunt Sarah until their Mom can take them. I am going to start working on myself, I have been told by a few people that I have aged a lot in that year, even my doctor told me I have to start taking better care of myself. So my goal for 2017 is to try to get my health back in the right track. 

I have a lot of issues to work through, I will keep you all updated as hopefully I progress to better things.

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PERIPHERAL NEUROPATHY

I have Hereditary Peripheral Neuropathy, complicated by Type II Diabetes. Neuropathy comes in many forms, and causes, it can be caused by an illness, reaction to a drug, or complications from surgery. Diabetes has the worst effect on it.

Here is what it has done to me, I have almost no feeling any longer in my feet, it is slowly traveling up my legs, because of the damage to the peripheral nerves, it can be extremely painful at times, the worst is at night. It has affected my balance, my ability to walk long distance, I can’t do anything for long periods, walking, sitting, standing, laying down, reclining, and hiking is out of the question now. The pain is constant, it just varies in the degrees of how bad it is, but I am no longer pain free. I get uncontrollable leg spasms, and sometimes they are 10 times more painful than your average leg cramp (charlie horse).

One of the bad things about having this, is I look fine, it is so hurtful to get the dirty looks from people when I park in disabled parking, even though I do have a permit.

There is no cure for this, there are some drugs you can take, but to me the bad side effects, outweigh the benefits. Some things help like Alpha Lapoic Acid, an over the counter vitamin. I have made a personal decision not to take pain pills, too many side effects, and I do not want to be a zombie, or become addicted to them. Marijuana helps, but is still illegal in Utah. CBD hemp oil helps too, but it is expensive, and can only be ordered online.

This is something I have to live with the rest of my life. I am now disabled by my neuropathy; I worked very hard all my life, full time from the age of 16 until 2011, for 48 years. I paid into the government all that time, I now collect SSDI, believe me, I would much rather work than be on disability, besides that the pay is better.

So please understand when I am having a bad day, or I have to cancel plans at the last minute, it is not that I no longer care, it is just the way it is for me now. Don’t offer me remedies, believe me, I have tried them all. All the sold called Neuropathy centers are quacks, or just want to study a new drug on you that doesn’t work.

If they ever find a cure, I will be the first in line. Thanks for your understanding.

Peripheral nerve cells

 

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