Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Sad’


First of all let me say that I am not seeking sympathy by my blog today. I am seeking understanding, so more people can understand what it is like to live, and battle Chronic pain everyday. I have hereditary peripheral neuropathy, now complicated by Type II Diabetes. One of the issues I battle with is, I look fine, It is harder when people can’t see your disability.
Causes and descriptions of Neuropathy.

My wife and I were watching a program on Chronic Pain sufferers, during the program the question was asked of each individual, “Have you considered suicide?” this prompted my wife to ask me the suicide question, my answer was yes, I have thought about it, but know I do not consider it as an option. She started weeping and said “I never knew it was that bad for you.” I told her I am pretty good at hiding my pain, as I do not want to burden my family or others with it.

I watched my Mother go through it from grimacing in pain, crying, moaning when all she wanted to do was relax, all the while her condition was getting worse from not being able to drive, and finally before she passed away, not being able to walk. In addition to this taking every pain medication that was made available to her, and none of them improving her quality of life. I loved my Mom very dearly, and I miss her every day.

I myself made a personal decision not to take pain pills of any kind, I am not bragging about how well I manage it, but after watching my Mother, and My Father-In-Law (For a different health issue) take pain medications, it has made me make the decision not to take them.

For the most part I am pretty good at hiding my pain, yes sometimes I complain about it, but those are on the days when it is at the level of a strong 10, based on the 1 thru 10 numbering system, sometimes I should respond with it is at a 15, yes it does hurt that bad. I am never not in pain, my pain levels for the most part average around a 5, last night when my wife and I were talking it was at a 7. She asked my why I do not tell her how bad it is, I guess it is because I want her to be happy, and not burdened with my pain. As I write this blog today my pain is at a 5.

It is sometimes scary when I think about the future, the possibility of no longer being able to drive, losing my ability to walk, right now I do fairly well, with the exception of my balance issues, which are getting worse, which has forced me to use a cane when walking long distances.

So far most of the time, I do not take anything for pain, not even over the counter pain medications. I use mind over matter, and it works if you concentrate hard enough.

I have tried marijuana, and it really worked, for the first time in years my pain was completely gone, I had a feeling of euphoria, the reasons I have chosen not to continue to use it are #1 It’s still illegal in Utah, #2 Not really a fan of getting high. I do have a CBD Oil vape, that helps on the really bad pain days, but I do want to use it all the time. I do not want anything to be a crutch in my daily existence.

Due to my health issues, and a terrible job market for people over the age of 50, we lost most everything we worked for all of our lives, my career making a 6 digit income, our home, most of our possessions, we are on the road to recovery, but with what my wife makes and me living off of SSDI, it is a slow process.
That brings me to the discussion of legalizing Medical Marijuana, even though I may choose not to use it, it should be a right for anyone else to do so. In my personal opinion any politician, Doctor, and anyone in the medical profession who is against it, is being pressured by Big Pharmaceutical, with their kickbacks, and payouts, or they are taking the prescription mind altering pain meds, and don’t care. As far as it Medical Marijuana being a “Gateway” Drug, there is no proof of that, but there is proof that opioid painkillers are a “Gateway” to Heroin. Not to mention the high incidents of Opioid overdoses. We need to legalize Medical Marijuana.
Opioid addiction
Cannaboids
I closing today, I just want to say thank you for your understanding, and life goes on!

As always Rusty Loves you, peace, love, and happiness!

10443650_816333655044479_8039900746311953198_n

Read Full Post »

Hurt


Sometimes people just hurt you without really knowing it, and sometimes they hurt you out of spite. You can be rude, nasty, and mean, but when you hurt someone it not only goes to the heart but it goes to the bone! You can apologize but it does not take the hurt away.

I learned back in the 80′s not to hurt someone, and I am not talking about physically hurting someone, I am talking about mentally hurting someone. Unfortunately I made that mistake, and even though I apologized to the friend I hurt, our relationship was never the same, and it was all my fault.

Please think about what you say before you say it, you cannot take back hurt!

Sometimes someone puts their heart and soul into something, and when you mock it, or attack it you can truly hurt that person, it has happened to me.

Tis easier to hurt than heal. ~German proverb

A stiff apology is a second insult. . . The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt. ~Gilbert K. Chesterton

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain.. and most fools do. Dale Carnegie

Please think about what you say before you say it, you cannot take back hurt!

I really like what his quote form the Dalai Lama says!

I just think, there are times when people need to think about what they are saying before they say it, because hurts cuts deep.

295483_463756077020935_1659841435_n

As always Rusty loves you!

Read Full Post »


I just do not understand why there is so much hate.

I really feel a lot of the hate we are experiencing today is generated by politicians, the government, and the media. They want to keep us divided, because a divided people are easier to control.

I know some friends of mine will not be happy when I say this, but a lot of hate is also generated by the ultra right wing conservatives, and the Tea Party.
They claim to want to re-enforce the constitution, but my question is where in the constitution does it say to hate?

Rather than put the entire constitution in here I will give you a link

http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/print_friendly.html?page=constitution_transcript_content.html&title=The%20Constitution%20of%20the%20United%20States%3A%20A%20Transcription

When are we all going to accept the we are all humans, and that is just it. We need to quit separating us by names.

As long as it does not directly affect me, or my family who cares what you do in your own world.

I am so tired of hearing the argument that you are just exercising your religious freedom. Show me poof as to where God and any god you believe in that says it is okay to hate someone, for their race, sex, lifestyle, LBGT or anything like that.

I guess I am living a pipe dream hoping that one day we will accept everyone no matter who they are.

I just want it all to stop.

You do have the power as an individual to make some changes, change it within yourself, preach love not hate, pretty simple isn’t it.

We do not have to accept that is the way it is.

I do feel John Lennon said it all with this great song.

images (6)

544750_456465904379472_122256581133741_1705826_966904584_n

peace-love-happiness.jpg

Szekely Janos


As always Rusty loves you!

Read Full Post »